Hi everyone! Janet Hsu again, here with another episode of “Great People Around Town: Legal Edition!”
Now, I know some of you were hoping Mr. Takumi would reveal the latest prosecutor to join the ranks of esteemed Ace Prosecutors at Tokyo Game Show, but even though he didn’t, fear not! For I have plenty of prosecutors for you right here! So read on to get your weekly dose of classy prosecuties!
“Great People Around Town” – the morning news show segment that brings you special on-the-spot interviews with the people in your neighborhood!
Host: Today, we’ll be talking with the fine folks of the Prosecutor’s Office. In fact, we here at “Great People Around Town” have been granted a very special interview with that up-and-coming prosecutor, Mr. Miles Edgeworth, himself!
Good morning, Prosecutor Edgeworth!
Host: “Great People Around Town” – we’re here for our interview…?
Host: I’m pretty sure—
Edgeworth: Three minutes.
Host: But your boss—huh?
Edgeworth: Two and a half. Now hurry up and conduct your interview before I bid you good day.
Host: R-Right! They say that despite your age – you’re only 24 after all – you’ve been a star prosecutor for four years now. Have the seasoned veterans around the office been a big help to you? I’m sure you’ve learned some great tips from the likes of Winston Payne…
Host: Um, grey suit, glasses, slightly receding hairline?
Edgeworth: …………Ngrk! The janitor?! Why would I–?!
*ahem* While I’m sure Mr. Payne is a valued veteran…
Host: Ah, yes. Our sources say he hasn’t lost a single case in 40 years. That’s amazing!
Edgeworth: Mr. von Karma is a man to be respected and feared. It is under his tutelage that I have been able to flourish and make my courtroom debut when I was but 20.
Host: Speaking of your career, what is your response to allegations that you may have forged evidence? Is there any truth to the “Demon Prosecutor” moniker?
Host: Um, I’ll take that as…
Host: …………*gulp* Aaaand, that wraps it up for us here at the Prosecutor’s Office! Thank you for your time, Mr. Edgeworth, and good luck with your next trial! *dashes out of the office with camera crew in tow*
Host: We are here at the Gatewater Hotel, where a criminal investigation is underway. If we are lucky, we just might catch the prosecutor on this case… Oh, there she is! Ms. Franziska von Karma! Do you have a minute?
Host: I’m the host of “Great People Around Town”, and I’d really appreciate just a moment of your time.
Franziska: “Great People”…? Fine. But make it quick.
Host: Thank you very much. As some of our viewers may or may not know, you are actually rather new to the Prosecutor’s Office. Would you mind filling us in on why you picked our fair city?
Franziska: I left a promising career in Germany and came here for one reason and one reason alone: revenge. You’ll see– you’ll all see!
Host: I-I see… And how are you getting along with the other prosecutors? I imagine it must be different from what you’re used to. I heard Prosecutor Payne tried to help you settle in?
Franziska: There is no man by that name in the Prosecutor’s Office. *readies whip*
Host: R-Right, moving on… It’s said that you are related to another prosecuting legend – a Mr. Manfred von Karma? Is this correct?
Franziska: Now, if you are done, I must return to my duties.
Host: Just one more—Aaaah!
Franziska: *cracks whip* Get out. Now.
Host: And that, ladies and gentlemen, was Ms. Franziska von Karmaaaaaaaah!!!
Franziska: Foolishly foolish fool foolhardily engaging in foolish tomfoolery meant to foolishly squander my time.
Host: YEOW! YEOW! YEOWWWWWW!!! *dashes away very quickly*
Host: It appears there is no rest for the righteous as the Prosecutor’s Office investigates yet another heinous crime – this time at that fanciest and frilliest of French restaurants “Trés Bien”. With me now is the prosecutor in charge of this case, Mr. Godot. Nice to have you on the show.
Godot: Hah. You got that right, but this isn’t just any crime – this one’s personal.
Host: Your beloved–?
Godot: Coffee. *takes a whiff of his steaming coffee mug* Someone’s stained its rich darkness with the milky white streak of death.
Host: You mean the chef messed up your order…?
Godot: *slams his mug on the table* Are you blind? Take a look around. A man lost his life here, or do they not teach you people how to observe in journalism school anymore?
Host: But didn’t you just say your coffee was the vic–?
Godot: So, if my sweetheart isn’t the victim, then what role did she play in this murder? Well, shouldn’t that be obvious?
Host: I… uh… No…?
Godot: Hah! Don’t worry. Like the fine aroma of Godot Blend #102, the scent of a crime scene is quick to enrapture all first-timers and have you thinking that down is up.
Host: Riiiight… *mouths at the camera* I have no idea what he’s trying to say anymore…
So just how long have you been a prosecutor?
Godot: *blissfully breathes in the aroma of his coffee*
Host: Okay… I’m going to guess you’ve been one for a while.
Godot: *continues to indulge in his coffee*
Host: So, um, what about Mr. Payne? Surely, someone of your standing has met with him before?
Godot: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Host: Well, yes, I would… We all would. That’s why I’m asking…
Host: Are you saying that he doesn’t exist, or that you just don’t remember who he is?
Godot: A man with no presence may as well not exist at all.
Host: Um, you know what? Never mind…
Godot: If you don’t like my answer, you only have yourself to blame. But if it’ll make you feel better, here – have a cup o’ Joe… on you! *throws cup of coffee onto host*
Host: TH-THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS!!! *runs away while attempting to get out of scalding hot clothes*
Host: At this point in time, dear viewers, I’m beginning to suspect that this “Prosecutor Winston Payne” fellow may not actually exist, and that my crew and I have been fed bogus info about the members of the Prosecutor’s Offi—Wait… That grey suit and those glasses… That receding hairline… It can’t be…
Excuse me, but are you by any chance Prosecutor Payne?!
Host: Actually, no. I’m from “Great People Around Town”.
Payne: Oh! The morning news show? It’s about time people recognized the greatness that is Winston Payne!
Host: Well, that’s just the thing. Our sources said you are one of the most veteran prosecutors in the district, but whenever I asked one of the younger folks about you, they seemed to have no idea who you are…
Payne: *ahem* I mean, I may be one of the old hands, but it doesn’t mean I’m useless. In fact, I used to be called the “Rookie Killer” back in the day.
Host: Were you, now?
Payne: I make it a point to educate the younger prosecutors and to help them out wherever I can. Take that transfer from Germany, Ms. Franziska von Karma. I tried to tell her I would help her settle in, and all I got in return was a faceful of leather. I was only trying to be a genteel-man.
Host: I know that feeling all too well… Speaking of whippings, tell me about your relationship with Phoenix Wright.
Host: But from what I understand, he’s the one who’s always schooling you…
Payne: Hee hee hee! My, how misinformed you are. A student never outgrows their master! If they did, then THEY’D have to be named the new master, wouldn’t they?
Host: Well, yes, that was my point… While we’re on the topic of mentors, what do you think of Mr. Wright’s superior, Ms. Mia Fey?
Host: Uh, okay then… Guess I should be grateful I’M not the one running away for a change…
Host: Well, wasn’t today’s show exciting! Let’s review the highlights! We met the “Demon Prosecutor” Mr. Miles Edgeworth, who is as intimidating outside of court as in. Then, we spoke with the vengeful Ms. Franziska von Karma, who likes to speak with her whip apparently. And finally, Mr. Godot, whose history with the Prosecutor’s Office is shrouded in mystery… and very hot coffee, as my 1 st -degree burns will attest to… *holds finger up to earpiece*
Host: Oh, I’m being told that I forgot about Mr. Winston Payne. I’m sorry, but he just wasn’t that memorable… Ah! I mean, well…! We’re just about out of time here! Until next time, don’t forget to be “Great People Around Town”!
You know, come to think of it, I guess a certain in-no-way-ace prosecutor was revealed at TGS… Poor Winston Payne! I guess the guy can’t help being a Loser with a capital “L” – it’s in his blood, so to speak.
Join me next time for more antics, including an introduction to Ace Attorney gameplay (for anyone who’s ever seen the “Objection!” generator but never tried their hand at the game before).