Good day to one and all! As summer gives way to autumn here in Japan and the leaves of Japanese Maples everywhere turn beautiful shades of orange and red, “Great People Around Town: Legal Edition!” is here to keep us warm with a trio of lovable characters from the Ace Attorney cast!
“Great People Around Town” – the morning news show segment that brings you special on-the-spot interviews with the people in your neighborhood!
Host: If no man is an island, then today we’ll be talking with the people who work alongside the lawyers and prosecutors of our fair city. This roving reporter first met our first interviewee when we visited Ms. Maya Fey a few episodes back, but she ran away at the mere sight of me and my crew. Here now, is our second attempt at an interview with another member of the Fey clan, Ms. Pearl Fey.
*cut to pre-taped footage*
Maya: Come on, Pearly, it’s OK. We’re being interviewed for TV!
Pearl: Is it really all right?
Host: It’s okay if she doesn’t want to… I wouldn’t want to force her…
Maya: Nah, it’s just that my aunt’s taught her to never talk to strangers.
Host: H-Hi there, Pearl. Would you mind introducing yourself to our audience?
Maya: Go on, Pearly! It’s not nice to leave people hanging!
Pearl: I-If you say so, Mystic Maya… *looks at camera*
Host: “Mystic” Maya?
Pearl: That’s her title, and we must use it to show her proper respect.
Host: You’re surprisingly well-spoken for a little girl…
Pearl: Th-Thank you. *fidget, fidget*
Host: *fidget, fidget* Oh, right! So can you channel people, too?
Pearl: Sometimes! But I still need to do a lot of training to be as good as Mystic Maya!
Host: Did you mean “for the ‘honor’ of your clan”?
Pearl: Yes! That!
Host: Well, it sounds like your mother loves you very much!
Pearl: She does, and I love her very much, too!
Host: Tell me about your relationship with your cousin.
Pearl: I love Mystic Maya as much as I love my mother.
Host: And what about Mystic Maya’s older sister?
Pearl: I’m sorry, I don’t remember much about Mystic Mia. She left our village a long time ago… But I know she worked with Mr. Nick. Mystic Maya told me all about him.
Host: Oh? And what do you think about him?
Pearl: I haven’t met him yet, but…
Host: Oh, ho! That’s quite the juicy tidbit of information.
Pearl: But Mystic Maya keeps saying it’s not true.
Maya: Because it isn’t, Pearly!
Host: Maybe now’s a good time to move on to–
Host: We interrupt this pre-taped interview to bring you some breaking news! It appears that Chief Prosecutor Lana Skye has just been arrested on murder charges! With me now is the sister of the defendant, Ms. Ema Skye.
Host: Ms. Skye — is it true that your sister, the Chief Prosecutor, is the one responsible for this heinous crime?!
Ema: …Um, with Mia Fey’s help, naturally.
Host: Mia Fey?
Ema: After all, the statistical probability that someone my sis has that much confidence in would fail is practically zero!
Host: I’m sorry, but how old are you exactly?
Ema: I’m 16! But don’t let that fool you! I’m already studying hard to become a forensics expert.
Host: Y-You are?
Ema: If only I could obtain some fingerprinting powder to add to my arsenal… Anyway! I only stopped by to get a few things for my sis, so I’ve gotta be going. But it was nice talking with you!
Host: R-Right! Same here!
Host: On the heels of the Chief Prosecutor’s arrest, we’re here at Criminal Affairs with Detective **** Gumshoe.
Gumshoe: A new case just came in, and Mr. Edgeworth says it’s his boss that’s gonna be on trial tomorrow.
Host: Can I assume you’re the lead detective on the case, then?
Gumshoe: The head honchos haven’t exactly decided that yet, but if it’s a case for Mr. Edgeworth, then I’m usually on it!
Host: Speaking of Prosecutor Edgeworth, our sources say you’re something of a lackey of his.
Gumshoe: Hey, watch it, pal! I’m no one’s lackey!
Edgeworth: Ah, there you are, Detective! What are you– How many times must I remind you not to speak with the press?!
Gumshoe: But, sir…!
Edgeworth: You’ve wasted enough time today as is. I expect my case to be airtight tomorrow, so you’d better get that evidence in line.
Gumshoe: Yes, sir!
Edgeworth: And I suggest you review your testimony. Embarrass me again like last time and I’ll personally guarantee you yet another reason to look forward to next month’s salary evaluation!
Gumshoe: Y-Yes, sir…
Host: …Aaaand off goes Prosecutor Edgeworth.
Host: I don’t think the word “mutual” means what you think it means…
Gumshoe: Well, I’ve known Mr. Edgeworth for a long time, and he hasn’t ever cut my salary so badly that I can’t afford to eat.
Host: Dare I ask what your diet consists of…?
Gumshoe: You know! The one that comes with little bags of seasonings!
Host: Um, what kind of literal bargain basement sells instant noodles without seasoning packets, Detective…?
Gumshoe: Look, pal. Someone’s gotta protect this city, and I trust Mr. Edgeworth with my life, and that’s gotta count for something.
Edgeworth: *ahem* I could swear I gave you an order earlier, Detective. Now, don’t let me catch you a third time.
Host: I understand. Thank you for your time, Detective!
Host: What an exciting day this turned out to be! Stay tuned for more live coverage from our studio as we receive updates on this breaking case! And as always, don’t forget to be “Great People Around Town”!
That was quite an episode, huh? All I can say is… aww, Gumshoe, you big lug! You have to eat better than that!
Next week, I’ll be digging up some obscure and some not so obscure trivia about the making of the first three games and their localization. And in the spirit of Halloween, I hope all you Ace Carvers and Craftspeople out there are taking lots of pics of your Ace Pumpkins!
Catch up on previous blog entries here!