Hallo, hallo, hallo! Can you believe we are just ONE WEEK AWAY from the release of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy on Nintendo 3DS? Time really flies, doesn’t it?
This week, “Great People Around Town: Legal Edition!” is bringing you some of the veterans of the trade. So, tip your hat to the older folks who paved the way for our young lawyers in this final, surprising episode!
“Great People Around Town” – the morning news show segment that brings you special on-the-spot interviews with the people in your neighborhood!
We’re here this week to highlight those who have come before the young folks of this generation and to salute their continued hard work for all these years. With me now is Mia Fey’s mentor – and a well-known defense attorney in his own right – Mr. Marvin Grossberg.
Grossberg: *Ah-HHHHEM!* Yes, a pleasure.
Host: I was wondering if you might tell us a little about yourself, what it was like being a defense attorney in the old days, and how it’s different from today.
Host: All right… Well, then, why don’t you tell us about your protégé Mia Fey…?
Grossberg: Mia Fey… That name brings back memories, it does! “Ah… the days of my youth… like the scent of fresh lemon…” you see.
Host: “Lemon”… you say?
Grossberg: Ah, she was every bit as zesty and sour as a lemon at times, but with a little bit of sugar, she was also as refreshing as lemonade. I had never seen someone defend with as much spirit as her, but she was just what the courts needed.
Host: I’m not sure I can square that with what I’ve seen of her.
Grossberg: But it’s true. In fact, her own protégé, that Phoenix Wright fellow – I’ve attended a few of his trials and he greatly reminds me of her in court.
Host: It must be nice to know your teachings are being passed down.
Grossberg: I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me, but my next appointment calls.
Host: Of course! Thank you for your time, Mr. Grossberg!
Public safety starts at the lowest level, and it is thanks to our city’s tireless security guards, who—
Host: Well, I was merely ranking in terms of—
Oldbag: In terms of what, you little whippersnapper?! I knew you were trouble! *huff, puff, huff, puff*
Host: I’m not trying to cause trouble – honest! I just want to interview you about your job. Our sources say that you have been a security guard for quite some time.
Oldbag: And certainly not for some cheap outfit like KB Securities! Why, I used to be the main guard at Global Studios – me! Gatekeeper to the stars! But that was only until that one nasty incident, but that gave me the opportunity to spread my wings! Oh, but why is it all of the men I like keep dropping out of my life like flies?! It’slikeFateenjoysplayingwiththisyoungmaiden’sfragileheart. I’vebeenwoundedenoughasitiseversinceelementaryschool, andletmetellyou, nothing’sbeeneasysince!
Host: You’ll have to excuse me, but I didn’t quite catch all that. You mean… the men that you like all avoid you—
Oldbag: No! Don’t you young people know any idioms these days?! They all DIE on me!
Oldbag: Actually, this is supposed to be a secret, but I’m helping with one of his investigations – I’d turn over every stone and scour every nook and cranny for my dear Edgey-poo!
Host: I-I’m sure he’s very flattered…
Host: Y-Yes, ma’am!
Oldbag: And don’t you dare try to sneak into the crime scene behind my back. I’ve got enough trouble trying to keep that porcupine-headed lawyer and his girly assistant out as it is.
Host: What coverage of the legal system would call itself complete without speaking with one of the esteemed judges who has presided over some of our city’s most infamous cases? With me now is just one of those judges.
Host: Y-Yes, you are.
Judge: How exciting!
Host: Your Honor, I’m sure our viewers would love to know a little about what goes on behind the scenes. Could you maybe share with us, a little about a recent case you presided over?
Judge: I’m afraid that besides the fact that it’s illegal to discuss such things before or after cases go to trial…
Host: I’m sorry, but what games?
Host: Forgetfulness… Forgetfulness… Come to think of it, our source does seem rather scatterbrained and they did give us a bunch of bogus info…
Host: …Could it be…? Is Your Honor also hearing impaired?
Judge: Hold on, let me adjust my hearing aid… Ah, there we go. Now then, what was that you were saying?
Host: You didn’t happen to talk with our studios recently, did you, Your Honor?
Judge: It was an honor for this old man, so I answered every last one.
Host: That… certainly explains a lot…
Judge: I hope I was of help to you and your crew.
Host: Yeah… Maybe a little TOO much help…
Judge: Oh, good! I’d better hurry back to the courtroom now. Recess is almost over and I still have to visit the restroom.
Host: G-Good luck, Your Honor… We’re all going to need it…
Host: And with that mystery solved, this wraps up our extensive look at the many legal professionals serving our fine city—
???: You would conclude your incomplete broadcast without conducting conversation with me, Luke Atmey?!
Host: With that loud of an entrance, who isn’t looking at you…?
Atmey: No, my fine friend. Luke Atmey!
Host: But I am…
Host: Wh-What is?
Atmey: What we have here is… A local television news anchor. …A mediocre one, at that! Am I correct?
Host: How did you—wait! I’m not medioc—
Atmey: Oh, it was nothing for an Ace Detective such as myself! I merely deduced it from your inability to grasp subtle nuances and inflections.
Host: …So you’re a detective, are you?
Host: I… can’t say that I have…
Atmey: Well then! It appears the stars have aligned just right for our fortuitous encounter. For you see, I was sitting in the law library in the basement just now, skimming through “Finding Fame” by Lady Galit Galamé, when I suddenly caught the calamitous chaotic cacophony of a camera crew careening through the corridors overhead, whereupon I thought to myself, ‘a little public exposure will do the trick’, so, I curtailed my Galamérizing activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated this place of perspicacity and proof to negotiate the broadcasting of my venerable visage!
Host: Who doesn’t?
Atmey: Well, then! You are gazing upon the one who, once again, gallantly defeated the dastardly thief during his latest criminal heist and retrieved the Portrait of Mejeena from his deviant clutches!
Host: Oh! So that was you! I heard the museum had given the brave hero an incredible jewel as reward.
Atmey: That they did! But now is not the time for felicitations. One must never let their guard down around such villainy. And make no mistake! If you are watching this, Maskâ˜†DeMasque – my arch-enemy – know that I will catch you swiftly in the very near future, and bring you elegantly to justice!
Host: Great words from a great man. Ace Detective Luke Atmey, I wish you the best of luck!
Host: And that REALLY concludes our look into the legal world! In addition to the veterans of the legal system we interviewed in this episode, we’ve spoken with defense attorneys , prosecutors , their assistants , and even some of Mr. Wright’s clients . On behalf of Great People Around Town, I’d like to thank everyone who participated.
Who will we interview next? It could be you! So until next time, don’t forget to be “Great People Around Town”!
I hope you’ve had as much fun reading these as I’ve had writing them. It reminded me of all the wacky characters in this series, even if it did also manage to frighten me with how easy it was to slip back into writing some of them after all these years… But I guess that’s what makes them so memorable!
Perceptive readers probably solved the mystery behind the identity of the oft-mistaken source early on (because who else besides Phoenix is connected to everyone in the game, right?), but did you pick up on this?
A big pat on the back to the super-hardcore fans who recognized that this segment was a reference to this scene from PW:AA – Trials and Tribulations! But “what’s the context around this piece of dialogue?” some of you may ask. Well, you’ll just have to find out starting next week when the collection is released!
By the way, no, the Judge doesn’t get an awesome pair of opaque glasses, but that is also a visual reference to something else Ace Attorney-related… If you can figure it out, be sure to leave your answer in the comments below! I’ll reveal the answer next week when I’ll be back for one last blog to celebrate the launch of “Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy”!
Catch up on previous blog entries here!